


The Difference

by kohakuyume94



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Anbu Yamato | Tenzou, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, KakaYama - Freeform, KakaYama Week 2018, M/M, Senpai-Kouhai Relationship, kinoe - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 02:22:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14582823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kohakuyume94/pseuds/kohakuyume94
Summary: After being rescued from The Foundation, Kinoe starts his first day serving on Team Ro, of the ANBU Black Ops, and his first day renamed, and repurposed by Hatake Kakashi.





	The Difference

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! Thank you for stooping by to read! A few things - 
> 
> First and foremost, I wanted to make clear that, while this piece does bear the kakayama, and m/m tags - I do NOT want to at all imply anything other than respect, admiration, and warm friendship feels between young Tenzo and Kakashi at this point. Does Tenzo have the beginnings of a crush - absolutely - thus, the tags - but, being that the little sprout would def be underage at this point, I certainly don't want to suggest anything else! I absolutely do NOT condone pedophilia in any way, shape, or form and would not want that misconstrued here.
> 
> Secondly, I wanted to say that I'm posting this piece as a stand-alone, as a part of Kakayama Week 2018 - but it is actually the first chapter of a project of mine that's been a wip for quite some time. I have every intention of finishing and posting the whole thing someday, (and I hope at that point you will come back and read the giant, slow-burn monstrosity that it is) but until then, here is chapter one just for fun! 
> 
> Thank you again for reading, and I hope you enjoy!

My hands gripped tight onto my tray of new gear. Black training sweats and tank, gray chest plate, painted mask, and an array of new weapons, shined and sharp. I changed quickly, knowing I needed to meet my team before they headed out to train for the day. 

_Don’t feel._

_Don’t feel fear._

_Don’t feel excitement._

_There is no feeling._

_There is only action._

_There is only new assignment._

My first day away from The Foundation, an on new assignment to serve the ANBU Black Ops, to work under a comrade, a comrade that saved me, that fought for me when I tried to kill him. A friend. My savior. Hatake Kakashi.

I’d never had to fight against feeling this much. I honestly didn’t realize I even had the capacity to feel this intensively anymore. 

He’d started it four years ago with the Iburi clan, the moment I was able to finally remember who I was, where I’d come from. He’d stood by me then. Covered my back without a thought and fought for me. He lied for me. Failed his mission for me. 

And then years later, when I am assigned to kill the Hokage, he spares me. He tells me that I am valuable.

More years go by, and I am assigned to kill him. He saves me instead.

My head throbbed with the war of foreign emotions. What does it mean to be a shinobi but also to allow passion? How can they coexist? Being raised as a weapon since a child, being molded, reformed, conditioned with relentless brutality - to defy orders out of feeling that had somehow wedged its way into my heart - it undid me. And yet, the defiance had brought me freedom. He'd climbed into the dark with me, taken my hand to lead me out, showed me the way, and when I was lost, nearly swallowed alive by the gaping pit, he had charged in after - no thought for his own life or the repercussions of his own defiance - pulling me out into a new life. 

I knew it was foolish to hope. To have joy or excitement. No faith to have fortune - only a foundation of strength and skill. But, I could not help the hope that welled up in my spirit each passing moment, one of staggering, blinding light. 

I made my way down the ANBU corridors, dark gray walls and dim light; these sights were familiar enough, at least enough to help me crush away the idea that this place would be so different than the hell I'd known. This branch of shinobi called for darkness too, for secrecy, for the ability to do what needed to be done at whatever cost.

Hesitating in front of the locker room door, listening to the soft chatter of ninja that were my new teammates, I drew a deep breath, and pressed through the threshold.

“H-hello. I just transferred here from the foundation. I’m Kinoe.” 

All eyes turned to meet mine, flashing up and down to make judgement. 

“Hey, Tenzo.” Kakashi’s voice rang through the silence. Warm, gentle, inviting.

“Tenzo?”

My heart flipped into my chest, cheeks flushing involuntarily.

“Kinoe was your code name in the foundation,” he continued. “In the anbu, you should call yourself Tenzo.”

Tenzo. He remembered. All those years gone by, and he remembered. He called me Tenzo. 

“But, that name is...” I murmured, unable to stop myself.

“Didn’t you call yourself Tenzo in the past?” He asked intently instead. He knew the creed of Foundation members. He knew there was no name, no, emotion, no past, no future, and yet, standing there, having already defied Lord Danzo in every possible way, he destroyed the creed that had thus far defined my existence.

“All right, everyone,” he announced, breaking his gaze from mine. “This is Tenzo, the newbie! I can vouch for his skill.”

He offered a thumbs up and the rest of the locker room softened their prickly demeanor. A hand pressed against my shoulder and walked my otherwise shell-shocked  
body through the ANBU members as they offered greetings and acceptance.

_Don’t feel._

My name does not matter.

I do not matter.

My service is what matters.

Don’t feel.

“Tenzo, huh?” I exhaled to myself in disbelief.

Before I knew it, I looked up to meet the eyes of my savior at the back of the locker room.

“Tenzo, you’re on my team, Team Ro. I’m counting on you.”

Bliss. Bliss bubbled through me, unstoppable. 

Unable to look up at him, I whispered instead, “Okay, Senpai.”

My new captain gave a sharp nod and then turned outward to address the others again.

“Alright, let’s go.”

Everyone filed out, greeting me with smiles, slight bows, encouraging slaps to the back and shoulder on their way. Kakashi remained there with me in my frozen state,  
waiting until we were alone before asking, “Are you ready?”

I nodded again, cursing myself for not being able to find my voice. 

A small smile curved up behind mask cover and I nearly swooned. What was this? All my training, my desensitizing, destroyed so effortlessly and instantly in his presence. 

“Good. I’m very glad you’re joining us, Tenzo.”

“Thank you, Senpai,” I finally managed, not knowing what else to say, gratitude overwhelming me. 

“You don’t have to call me Senpai.” 

His gaze fell to my feet. Suddenly, I’d never been more aware of my toes.

“You didn’t have to call me Tenzo,” I replied in a whisper.

He crossed to exit, running an armored hand through silver hair, responding simply, “Yes I did. It’s who you are.”

Something stirred in my chest. Strange and foreign, I forced it down, realizing, it was a nervous laugh. Who was this man? 

I trailed after him, unable to stop every part of myself from doing so, too.

“Then you are my Senpai.”

He let out a short snort, turning back with a secret smirk. 

“Fine.”  
   
…..  
   
The day flew by, training fast and challenging under Kakashi’s command. Formations, drills, conditioning, chakra focus. There was a lot to take in. Nothing new in regimen, but completely different in execution.

We trained together as a team, our Captain in command from active position every moment of our practice, making a point to check in with every one of us individually and still to watch over all of us collectively. There was no mantra calling, no will reform conditioning. Having the lack of breath down my neck somehow ran more anxiety through my veins than my normalcy of anticipating a strike to my back, an insult to ring through my ears. 

I drug an exhausted body into the showers, letting warm water sooth angry muscles, trying clear my clouded head. 

Toweling off, I couldn’t help but notice the absence of my Captain. Relief and frustration fought for dominance over my heart. 

_Damn it._

_Don’t feel._

_A Captain only serves as an authoritative hand._

_A voice to follow._

_Don’t feel._

_There was no gain in processing all of these things. There was only the mission. There were only orders._  

He wasn’t at dinner either. The others eagerly encouraged me to eat with them, each introducing themselves, complementing how well I was already acclimating to their training style. It was heinously uncomfortable. Wonderful, I think. But, uncomfortable nonetheless, and further intensifying my internal screaming. 

After our meal, one of my new teammates showed me around the dormitories. There was a communal kitchen, a small recreation room, a few spaces that could be used for meetings or a quiet place to draw away for reading or study, and floor after floor of bedrooms. Eventually, I was led up to the floor where our team was housed. 

Suddenly it hit me, as my door was unlocked and the key handed over to me, I had my own room - this was my room.

My teammate smiled at my dumb-stuck face, “I’m very glad you’re here with us, Tenzo. Please let me know if we can do anything to make you more comfortable. Goodnight.”

She made her way down the hall, long dark swishing behind her with grace. I hesitated a while at the door, turning my key in hand before turning it in its lock and pressing inside my new room.

It was small, the Leaf Village symbol marking the walls, soft moonlight shining through a small window, cozy-looking bed made up with a quilt and pillows, fresh bouquet of flowers and water canteen set up on an end table. How inviting. How perfect. Heart swollen, I slipped inside. 

I stood awkwardly for a moment, unable to accept that this space was mine now, my new home. 

Nestling into bed, I let out a pleased sigh and found an honest smile spread between my lips. I could smile freely here. Where it felt wrong, and only lingered for a moment, washed away in mechanical automation, I'd seen the others smiling at me all day, and I began to trust the ember of hope in my chest. 

I stared around my new home. There wasn't a time table, no immediate orders. What was I supposed to do with my own time? 

Instinctually, I began my night mediation, guiding my mind to silence, stripping the day away, forcing it into relaxation. Through it, in the back of my mind, I wondered if I would need it to go to sleep after I settled in here. Where I knew at this point it was the only way I’d ever learned to fall asleep, a thrill filled me that security could possibly grow in me enough to fall asleep in true peace.

Slumber didn’t last long. Vivid imagery of my door bursting down, matched with the sensation of being pulled from the sheets by my ankle and dragged down the halls, through the night, back to The Foundation, facing Lord Danzo for punishment and reconditioning, quickly had me shot up and alert, sweating and in full internal panic. 

My body rocked in consuming anxiety as it sucked me into its paralyzing torment, and I fought for air, bringing my knees into my chest, squeezing hard and tight.

_Don’t feel._

_Don’t feel._

_Don’t feel._

_Fear only leads to weakness._

_Clarity comes only from a blank slate._

_Claim control._

_I am not human._

_I will not feel._

_I cannot feel._

My head began to explode with the pressure of trying to swallow it all back down, throat burning with silent scream.

_Don’t feel._

_Don’t feel._

_Please, stop feeling..._

There was a gentle knock at my door before it cracked open, Kakashi standing in the gap.

“Hey, Tenzo, is everything okay in here?”

He made his way inside, closing the door behind him. Embarrassment flooded through me. My panic took a sharp nosedive somehow even deeper into the darkness.

“C-Captain…” I forced weakly from an arid mouth.

_Get up._

_Get up._

_Pathetic waste – show some respect! Get up!_

“Tenzo?” Long strides quickly brought Kakashi into the dark toward me.

I hastily untangled myself from sweaty sheets, dropping to my knees, forehead hard against the floor to bow before him. 

“My apologies, Captain,” I managed, fear finally snapping my body into submission, but still greatly disturbing my heart. “I ask you to please forgive my inappropriate response to a nightmare. This disrespect won’t happen again, I assure you.”

From the corner of my eye, I could see his arm raise, and I braced for an impending blow. It didn’t come. Instead, his hand simply hovered over me in the air, and he knelt down to meet me there on the floor, resting his touch gently onto my shoulder, just for a moment, before slipping away. 

"Please, get up, Tenzo..." 

Frozen in place, I shook my body through its stillness and forced it to sit up. I watched in disbelief as my Captain then stood, and moved to take a seat on the edge of my  
bed, expression un-phased and tone still cool and even as it replied, “I’d like to braid your hair, Tenzo."

“Um…Captain?” My mouth fell open, eyes widening in disbelief. Surely I was still asleep. I had to have misheard him. “My-my hair?”

“Yes. It can be calming to have someone touch your hair. I’d like to braid yours. If, you are comfortable with that.”

Despite how many times he had offered me mercy, outstretched his hand when it should have struck, I still doubted this offer. He wanted to comfort me? He came in to make sure I was alright?

He’d stolen my voice again, frozen me again in place.

Whether for disguised discipline, or actual care and comfort, obedience was probably best... I nodded slow and steady, despite anxious anticipation. 

“Very good. Come here then, and take a seat in front of me.”

My knees went weak, but he was waiting, and so I forced them to take me to sit at my Captain’s feet. 

My back to him, I watched the shadows of his hands raise, shoulders flinching as long fingers met my scalp. My teeth ground together, ready to stifle back a cry were his  
fist to take its grip and yank as I expected it would.

Instead, strong hands began to work through my knotted brown locks, careful not to pull, moving gingerly and tender. 

Soft. Easy. Gentle. 

Comforting.

I should say something. Anything. 

He spoke instead. “Do you often have night terrors?”

“Not often… Did I wake you? Or anyone?” I responded tentatively, praying I hadn’t ruined any positive impression I’d made on my new team.

“Not that I know of. I make a midnight walk of the building every night. The only reason I heard you is because my ear was pressed to the door.” He paused, his fingers sliding smoothly down newly untangled hair. Chills lit up over my shoulders, unwinding some of the tension through my muscles as they spread. “I heard you gasp awake passing by, became curious about my newest recruit.”

“Oh…” was all I could manage.

Separated into three pieces, my Captain began to weave together a loose braid, “Hey, nightmares are nothing to be ashamed of, Tenzo. They are a very normal part of our job as shinobi… terrible – but normal. You’re not alone here. Just as much as we train together, and serve together, we also are there for one another. I don’t want you to  
be afraid to come to me with anything you might need… I’m your Captain, it’s my job to take care of my team.”

This was the difference. 

The Foundation. The ANBU. All shinobi, all with a mission and a goal to protect the Village. 

But teamwork, comradery, hope - that was the difference. 

Something stirred in my chest, that ever-familiar spark into my lungs, warming my body, lighting some kind of freedom and illumination into my eyes – the spark he would light in the dark of terror and torture, through battle and brainwash. Kakashi held out to me a candle in the churning black of incapacitating anxiety, drew me into focus only on its strong, little flicker. That ember of hope – a flame.

Words caught in my throat.

And, for the first time, I let the tears slip down my cheeks, let a smile overtake my face, let a gentle laugh tumble out of me, whispering back endlessly, “Thank you,  
Senpai… Thank you, Senpai… Thank you, Senpai…”

Fingers fell from my hair, braid loosening free, and from behind, lean, lanky arms reached down, pulling me up into the lap of my Captain.

“You’re safe here…”

Thanks continued to spout from my mouth on whimpered repeat, tear-flow thickening, sobs beginning to shake my whole body, Kakashi simply enveloping me deeper into his embrace.

He held me there through the pitch of emotional purge, through the length of the night, arms coiled tight. Eventually, he tucked us both under cover of sheets, his chest my pillow, his calm, confident presence the sweetest tranquilizer to my terror.

When the flood of tears at last ran dry, the most peaceful weight fell heavy over my body. Emotion was so exhausting… but, beautiful…

I felt my sluggish body being turned in the gentle grasp of my Captain, repositioning me onto pillow fluff, fingers playing back through my hair. As much as I fought to remain awake, to stay in the moment forever, sleep was quickly sweeping me away, deep, restful sleep, for the first time.

“Thank you, Senpai… _My_ Senpai…”  
 


End file.
